Hope

After all those pains, there is hope.

This is somewhere close to Kilmore on Hume Highway, where the Black Saturday bushfire had burnt over. I'd been passed this area like ten days after the fire, and it was all black, with nothing but desperate death all around, and the smoky odor sneaking into the car.

More than one month now, the pain and horror was obviously not gone far, we drove by this area again and I snapped this picture. There is green new leaves thriving up the burnt black trees although it is autumn. There is grass starting to grow, almost transparent but definitely green. There is hope.

I was very glad to see there is sense of life reviving this fire-ravaged ground, after all those savageness and extinction. Yes there is hope.

7 months, 7 days

Well in a word, we were together for 7 days in our 7 month relationship. That's it.

I don't quite remember most of the other days that we'd not been together, but I do remember in every detail all the days I'd been with you. No matter how much it hurts thinking of you during those 'intervals', it's pure pleasure being with you. Those were the sweetest memories that were to last.

You are always as you are, no negotiations, even when it comes to our relationship, which is not your own matter. And I've learnt that, although I doubt you could eliminate me completely after you said that. I was to ask you if you ever think of me after breaking up, but I'll hold it up til later.

Distant relationships are not easy to maintain, I knew it from way before you. But it was our choice so I made myself believe in it, and I did til days before we broke up. I prayed for our relationship to last while I was back in China in a temple, and there's obviously not a need to redeem it as it doesn't work out just after two months. That's probably because I started doubting it first, you've only made the actual move.

I tried to make myself cry, I couldn't. I was stronger than I thought I was, I actually wished I could just cry and all is gone instead of having to occasionally panicking about things.

The Easter plan of me going up to meet you was obviously ruined. My friends from Gold Coast was so kind to have invited me up on hearing that but I was obviously booking too late while flight tickets had become so expensive I could not afford it (this was a reason and an excuse). And I feel pretty sorry not to have shown much interest at the invitation, don't get me wrong I was eager to go up and see you guys again, it's just not the right time at the moment...

I haven't quite got used to life without you, I don't know whom to think of in my sleepless nights. To be honest.

Mr. Lonely

I first heard the song in a flash anime several years ago, in which the sound was very distorted due to excessive compression, it still impressed me. All I remember about that flash was that it was about a cat or two, but I remember the song very well.

I saw this movie not very long ago, like a year after its release. Not so impressive to be frank, probably worse than that flash. The story itself being bit complicated involving heaps of people who want to be somebody else. The blog from which I read about this movie says the blogger was moved by it and he cried, I didn't.

Yesterday was Sunday, and I worked as usual. It's been almost two weeks I haven't heard from you. Suffering from a still very bad sore throat I didn't bother talking much to customers. When the shop is empty I started to panic and changed my facebook status to the first verse of Mr. Lonely. I started singing that song very quietly in the shop and tears started welling up my eyes. And there's customers coming in. I didn't bother serving them yet, can't let them see me cry at least. I tried to open my eyes wide and accelerate the evaporation and it worked. But I can't help myself singing that song to myself, and when I sing it I will cry. I feel like I am Mr. Lonely.

Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely. I have nobody, for my own. (Actually I'd rather sing the last one as 'I'm on my own')