What Made Me Different

I meant to write this one a week ago but well... Here I am anyway.

I left the Japanese kitchen that I'd been working for almost a year in Central Market, and started my new job as a cellarhand in Clare Valley. When handing me my last payment my boss included a thank you card in the envelope. My boss' wishes were brief and straight forward but his wife gave me a relatively long one, in which she said I was the first Chinese person she met that is reliable and modest when it comes to topics about China.

I was thrilled to be given such a comment, but I wasn't that surprised because I know exactly what sort of Chinese people she's talking about and I've met plenty of them. They are brainwashed going through the Chinese education system that aimed at anti-intelligence and reverse-elimination of elites. I would have been exactly the same had I not come to Australia to study. The thing is, those other Chinese people she's talking about also live in Australia, what do I have that is different?

They did not open their eyes to what the Communist Party hadn't informed them. Although there are no heavy censorship of the internet in Australia (The fact that the government is proposing one enrages me) as in China many of those people are still voluntarily limiting their internet experience to what they were used to offered back in China, using the Chinese mimic of Facebook, Twitter etc instead of the real thing. I was like that for the first few months being in Australia, reading news from Xinhua instead of Reuters and other trustworthy news outlets.

But then I accidentally discovered a Chinese forum rxhj.net, which were set up by overseas Chinese who are extremely hateful towards China, Chinese people and the Chinese government. They hated the brainwashing education and came to realize it after going overseas and they set it up to tell the truth, reverse the brainwash process and try to educate people to adapt to a conservative Western life, they discuss current Chinese events on the forum but in a very different perspective than the official news outlets in China. I was pretty angry the first few times when I read about what they were saying, but I was also extremely curious so it started to become a daily task for me to check on there for new posts and see what they have to say about things. I started comparing their version of the story to what was told on Xinhua just to see how different people interpret or how they lie about an event, using my conscience instead of what I was told when it comes to judging. And gradually I dropped Xinhua as a source for news, and when it showed up on google I try to avoid clicking it. I realized I have been living in a big fat lie for such a long time, and all the Communist Party cares about is stupefying its citizens so no one voices up against its dictatorship. The result is immensely arrogant and greedy creatures that is not fit to be called human, and there are 1.5 billion of them. They do not have morals, they scream out their patriotism towards China whenever they can and they claim you being racist when you have anything against their views. It is until you got rid of every bit of "Chinaness" in you that you are reborn to be human.

Now I am living a China-free-wherever-possible life, simply to survive. Chinese people put toxins in infant formulas and heavy metal in toys, they produce vaccines that kill, cars that guarantee death during a collision and online chat clients that scan your computer for 'suspicious' files and report them secretly to the National Security. How could I trust anything Chinese? There are genuine and good quality 'made in China' goods out there but for now they have lost my trust completely and wherever there is a possible alternative to Chinese made goods I will go for it and I am willing to pay more for the quality and trust. I use English operation systems on my computers and avoid any Chinese software running on it as much as possible and I pay for German antivirus software instead of Chinese ones which themselves are like viruses. I buy Chinese books published in Hong Kong or Taiwan instead of the mainland. I own a $10 Swiss made potato peeler and a pair of $20 made in USA scissors (as opposed to Chinese made $1 peeler and $2 scissors), I am proud of them and they have never let me down. Anyone that got to use them have expressed surprise of how good a potato peeler can be. What I told them was that they are always supposed to be that good but the Chinese just never made it that good. People that fell for cheap Chinese made goods had severely cut back their quality of life.

My attitude towards things had also changed over time, I will focus more on human life above anything. For example historic events such as the Big Leap Forward and Cultural Revolution, Chinese people are too used to avoid the damage these events had done to them and only call them minor mistakes made by Mao Zedong that should not harm his glorious reputation. The fact is during the 28 year regime of Mao, which is a period of peace instead of war, more people died than the sum of casualty of the two World Wars. It is rightful to say Mao is eviller than Hitler.

I feel there are things here that I could expand further but I think I might do it later.

Goodbye Adelaide

I'm leaving this Sunday and the new job will start from Monday.

For the time being I'll keep my room in Adelaide while renting another one up Clare, but if I do get ongoing positions in Clare Valley I'm planning to take a house up there for my own, so that I could either rent spare rooms out or keep it for myself. Things have been planned out and I'm getting oh so excited.

I've been in Adelaide for 2 years now. It wasn't as good as what I imagined before moving here from Melbourne. I still think I met way more scumbags here in Adelaide than in Melbourne and generally people are just not as nice here. I'm gonna keep my expectations low for the country this time and hopefully I wouldn't disappoint myself too much.

What will I miss in Adelaide?

The friends that I made over the years of course. But well I'm not going that far away so hopefully I could still catch up with them once in a while. I'm heading out this Saturday night in the hope to see as many as possible of them though.

There's not that much to talk about in the city really. The dedicated CBD area is only 20% built up and there are still plenty of old villas and houses wait rotting. The city feels dead, you will be able to find stores that are clearly no able to hang on in the heart of Rundle Mall, which is absolutely ridiculous. Shopping experience is pretty limited, needless to say, Rundle Mall itself is small, and the stores are just mediocre. I'd rather hunt around either online or to Harbour Town (factory outlets that occasionally gets good stuff cheap) to shop. There are a few charms here and there though, such as the Chocolate Bean, their chocolate filth (better be shared though in concern of diabetes stroke) is the bomb!

Although the city of Adelaide has been quite boring I did find the surroundings of Adelaide pretty enjoyable. Forget Glenelg, go further to beaches with fewer people is always a better choice with clearer water and purer sand but the same undiscriminating sun tan, at times you can even own the whole beach for a while. There are a lot of wicked places hidden in the Adelaide Hills too. Hahndorf is not really considered hidden btw. Try the cheese factory just off Woodside, their 'Monet' is the most beautiful cheese I've ever seen and the taste is not bad at all. Hunt around for pick your own fruits or (if not in season) shed doors to get outrageously cheap and amazingly fresh fruits - peaches, cherries, strawberries, apples, nectarines you name it they have it. Cafe Acqua in Mt Barker, although being franchised, has the best veal (juicy and tender in a creamy sauce to die for) I've ever had for around $20, the likes of Fasta Pasta just can't get anywhere near it at around the same price. Of course there's the bakery in Lobethal and various tiny wineries surrounded by vineyards setting up ridiculous slopes.

Hmm well it's not really that hard to go back to anything that I miss here though because Clare is only 2 hours drive away, and I'm willing to drive anyway.

Turns out it's not really a proper goodbye Adelaide yet? We'll see.

Cameras

I've never complained about my camera, well maybe I have, but it wasn't like that. This would be a wannabe photographer's amateur review, which means it's my own opinion only.

I have been using a Canon IXY 910 (the Japanese version of IXUS 860) for a few years now, it never really fails to satisfy my needs (which is not that much, usually I take a lot of macro, landscape and embarrassing moments in parties). I've only been using 5MP of the 8MP its sensor provided in a less compressed (superfine) mode. The colour that this little guy gave me has been amazing even without tuning, and I got compliments for my photos when I upload them on facebook. It's quick, silent and to the point.

Then I came across this Nikon S9100 that my parents brought when they came visit me, I've heard good things about it and my parents are willing to swap it for my Canon. I actually loved my Canon but I wanted to see what difference this Nikon can make so I accepted the deal (part of my superficial reason is that now even my phone has an 8MP camera, but the 18x optical zoom comparing to 3x on my Canon makes me drool too). From the photos my parents took with them I could easily tell that they didn't use the camera right. There was two shots with very little difference in time and position taken, one is completely normal but the other is totally redded out. I assumed they might've set something wrong on the camera.

A glitch (probably not considered a serious one but) that immediately annoyed me about this Nikon S9100 is that when in review mode of the photo just taken, the shutter refuses to work, on my 4YO Canon you can just take a photo blindly and immediately in review mode. This prompted me to disable the review function, but the difference this made was marginal, because it wanted to go over the focusing process again every time, while the Canon would just use the last known setting (either that or the Canon's focus works extremely fast that you barely notice). It is the moment that's important, not the review of what you've taken, Nikon people!

On the telescopic side of lens, very slow and inefficient focus, even in sufficient light, which sort of destroyed the purpose of the telescopic lens. The IS is probably not good enough for my shaky hands on the telescopic end too. During focus generally, it tends to make noises all the time shifting lens even when the green in focus label is present instead of telling you "I'm ready" in a click and stayed there, I'm not really sure whether this is a good or bad thing.

On the image size selection, only the full 12MP size offers a "star" option (equivalent to "superfine"), which means when I use my normal 5MP setting the image would be quite heavily compressed. I'm a bit concerned but I'll see if shifting to normal 8MP mode covers the problem by increased canvas size.

I noticed I took a lot of ghostly photos under low light with the Nikon, and found out that the auto ISO selection is not really doing its job. The manual did say when you set it to auto it would shift up to ISO 800 in low light, so why were all my ghostly photos taken at ISO 200 or even 160 and at shutter speed of 1/3s to 2s? That doesn't make sense, 1/10s at ISO 600 would solve the problem beatifully.

On the plus side, the colour is pretty neutral comparing to the Canon. The build of the camera itself is very sturdy (I dropped it a few times already, don't tell mom). Noise level of low light shots are relatively low. Also I liked the design that the flash needs to be separately lifted up because I'm never quite a flash person unless I absolutely have to use it. Video taking now have a dedicated button, which is good too, the thing is I don't really make a lot of videos. The manual focusing system lets you move the cursor around to focus on the object you want to focus (a step forward than my Canon which you have to focus a few times until the AF guessed what you wanted to shoot right, especially in macro mode which I use a lot), but a touch screen as seen on Sony or smart phones would actually do a better job.

I didn't have this camera for long enough to discover too much good things about it, well I hope I would later. For the time being I am a bit disappointed about it, because on the overall experience it is hopelessly losing to my 4 year old Canon. I can't imagine why Canon came up with a slick and witted camera 4 years ago while this new Nikon is still struggling to catch up (if it cared to at all) and it just feels sluggish. Canon and Nikon were both supposed to be very good brands I thought? Maybe only in professional (D)SLR areas. Nikon doesn't seem to care too much about the user experience of their consumer cameras (Maybe the developers were too good to use a camera like this? Then why is this thing even on the market?). Canon on the other hand took care of everything and the experience is just smooth.

A bit of hope, a firmware upgrade could definitely address the shutter and ISO problems, but that's only if Nikon's up for it. Second thoughts, do people to custom roms for cameras?

Make a Wish

I don't consider myself Buddhist but I went to a Buddhist temple today. And it wasn't the best weather for that visit either as it's been raining and stuff.

I actually wanted to visit this temple two times and failed after I first visited it with my housemates. The first time I couldn't find it and the second time it was closed. It was like an hour drive from my place and it wasn't that easy for me to visit it, that's part of the fun I see it.

The reason I wanted to visit back this temple is that I made a wish on my first visit and then the wish came true. I need to go back to it to thank Buddha for granting it. Well anyway, that's the idea. The fact that my wish came true doesn't necessarily have anything to do with Buddha, but I still feel like I need to at least come back and thank him. And of course I made a new wish this time too, and I will surely come back when it came true.

I Got News

I actually got it for a while, but now that it's confirmed so that I could safely tell, I got a new job and I'm moving away from Adelaide.

I'm pretty glad that I finally did that. At least it is my professional area that I will be working in, instead of feeling like a wasted talent every single day at work. I feel lucky that both my current and new boss are very supportive.

And yes after two years (I know it hasn't been but it will be by the time I move out) spent in Adelaide and barely even left I'm moving on. Well, I have been moving to smaller areas constantly. From Guangzhou, China with 10m+ population to Melbourne with 5m to Adelaide with 1.2m now to a small town in Clare Valley with only a few hundreds. I think I really am a country boy at heart though, and now I'd be officially in the country. 2 hours drive from Adelaide I think I'd still be visiting back quite often. I'm all excited about this whole new life anyway.

I'll see you there.

My Accent

I'd been getting quite a bit of comments on my English accent recently, but well, it really had been quite complicated. I'm not sure myself where my accent came from now.

Although I'd been from China, people don't identify the Chinglish in me anymore. There was once two ladies asked to guess where I was from before I was introduced, and the first thing they say is "definitely not Chinese".

From my middle school back in China we've been having foreign English teachers for our English speaking. I think the first foreign teacher that influenced my English accent would be Jim when I was like 14. Jim's from the US and the Chinese English textbooks are written in American English so it sort of makes sense. I've also had Australian and New Zealand foreign teachers back then but I don't think that they'd influenced me as much as Jim. I think he was pretty proud of me as his student as I ran into him on the streets of Guangzhou in 2008 (almost 10 years after he left that school, and I was visiting back China from Australia after my first year study in University of Melbourne) and he still recognized me.

The so-called 'Crazy English' frenzy back in the late 90's also influenced me I guess. And the Chinese founder of the method was also promoting American English. What I was asked to do was listen to a cassette tape of famous American speeches such as 'I have a dream' by Martin Luther King and try to speak like they do, then record your own version and listen to them to find the difference.

Before I came to Australia I attended a course in which the majority of subjects were taught by foreign teachers, and most of them English. I don't really know but I didn't seem to pick up too much accent from them. But at the same time I started watching 'Skins', which was played in quite strong a Bristol/Welsh accent, I didn't think I was affected by that that much either.

And there I was hitting Melbourne in early 2007 and without spending a single day in the US in my entire life I was identified with a nasty mix of American and Chinese accent. People did comment on my American accent then and I was quite embarrassed when I was working in the market people misunderstood my 'can't' as 'can'. Through working though, I've learnt how Kiwis have that funny way to pronounce 'thank you', which annoyed me for quite a while.

I think living for a while in a city does changed my accents too, by the time I moved to Adelaide people started to comment on my 'Melbourne accent', I didn't really know what Melbourne accent is at all, and I could tell very little even by now.

My accent seems to have taken an English turn from here. And I think the main influence was YouTube. I'd subscribed to so many youtubers from the UK now. While some of them has a relatively mild British accent such as charlieissocoollike and kickthepj, there are nastier accents by the likes of jimmy0010 and nostrilshorts. And when I start speaking these days I almost say 'say' as 'see' now. I've even got comments that I got 'received' accent, well I guess I did 'receive' a lot of accents...

And here I am.

The Dirty Money Talk

I still remember when I was little and went to the market with mom one day, I saw her give out money, take the grocery and money (change) back. I didn't have the idea of change. I thought that people earn money by buying stuff until my mom told me otherwise. She also kept emphasizing that money is hard earned, and money has forged in my mind as something precious. Of course I was raised up being told money can't buy you everything, but the other half of the saying is more important: but you can't live without money.

I started to get allowance from the age 9, like, 1 Yuan (~A$0.15) per month. I think I spent the most of them on snacks available from tiny stores around my school. That much would probably buy me an ice cream or a medium pack of potato chips. Of course that wouldn't be enough for me, but I get money on other occasions such as doing chores around the house.

But the big thing would be Chinese New Year, I'd get lucky money (that's exactly why Chinese kids all looking forward to the Chinese New Year, it's like Christmas in the western world) from parents, grandparents, other relatives, family friends, business partners of family members etc. This figure easily runs into thousands Yuan each year. But of course my parents wouldn't let me touch the money that easy, because they need to give out lucky money to kids of the family and friends and business partners too. What they did was starting from age 9, they set up a bank account for me and put a portion of the lucky money I got each year in there, usually only a few hundreds, until when I was in high school I put basically all I get in there.

The first time of course dad took me to the bank and taught me how to write the slip for deposit (that was back in the early 90's, of course now they're all computerized and not needed anymore), I was lucky to have known how to write those very traditional (very complicated) Chinese characters for numbers beforehand (I learnt them from a calender which marked months with those characters), they're not really taught in schools because they don't really have a use outside of the banking system these days. I got a booklet instead of a card as record for savings (those booklets are still being used alongside cards in China these days). My parents keep the booklet. So the money has my name on it but it's not really accessible by me.

Ever since I'd go to the bank alone and fill those forms out and make those deposits every year, when one year I started a debit card with the bank for this account and hid the card from my parents, guess what, I have the access to my money now! I had been a bit reluctant to use the money because even for me it doesn't come easy (only once a year!).

I get more allowance with age, so when I am in middle school I get like 50 Yuan per month. But problem is I'm not content with snacks anymore. I started to buy music, and lots of them. And I only buy them genuine. I started off with cassette tapes, which costs like 10 Yuan each so I could afford them. But then there comes the CDs, which are usually imported and over 100 Yuan each, pretty expensive for my allowance. What I did was saving up from my lunch money, putting only half of whatever I get for lunch money into the card for the canteen, then use the rest to buy CDs. I could only afford one or two per month (of course unless it's Chinese New Year), but I'm happy with that. The sad thing is none of my classmates really respect that I only buy genuine music and they voted me as the 'most extravagant' in the class. I don't think I deserve it but well who cares. But thinking back it actually sort of contributed to who I am now.

The greatest discovery of my life so far had to be those 'recycled plastic' stores. There are heaps of excess or pre-release samples of foreign CDs, DVDs and the like shipped into China for disposal treatment. They are all supposed to be punched and then go through treatments before going to the landfill, however these guys that run those stores had some sort of links to the customs and they are able to grab those things before they are destroyed and sell them. As mentioned before most of them are punched but you can always dig deeper into the piles and find some that escaped it. These things are sold cheap, starting from 10 Yuan you can get a pretty decent CD not punched. Of course some of the big name artists are still sold quite expensive, but I just enjoy digging into them and always find something new. I got the whole discography of some of my favourite artists simply by digging into those piles. I got so many priceless and rare founds in them. This habit dramatically increased my CD collection to over 400 by the time I left for Australia to study.

I started earning money when I started uni in China (the one that I dropped out after a year). The thing about earning money for me is that I found the more I earn the even more I spend. I suck at saving money. Even now I'm still the same. Of course now I need to rely on myself while not earning much at all. For the moment earning for me only means the ability to loan more, because my material desire cannot be satisfied from what I get from my job. Is there a balance point that I could earn enough for what I want? I hope so. Would my desire grow with it and always outweighs it? I tend to consider myself as not having to ambitious material needs, I only want to be good enough to myself - good food, good brands on everyday supplies and appliances, music, games, independent branded stuff and innovative electronics. When I get a bit more I'd like to spend more on photographing and travelling around. I don't want a property for myself, probably not for quite a few years even if I had that money, because I don't really know how long will I stay in any place at all. What made it worse is that I believe there's a huge bubble in the Australian real estate market at the moment, that I'm waiting for it to burst any time.

Now the problem is how I achieve that balance point that I wanted. Well I sent out a few job applications today, not sure how well they'd go but I'll have to find out I guess. Wish me luck.

Recent Stuff, A Bit of Everything

I know when I use the word 'recent' in my titles it's been a while since my last update to my blog. Not that I've been too busy or whatever though, I was just lazy, and I hereby admit it.

I am still struggling to find another job. Now that I've been put on even more pressure than before as my current boss is seeking to sell this business. It's not like that business is bad in our shop and actually quite the contrary. But I totally understand my boss as it is way too hard for him having to be there 7 days a week with less than 20 days off including public holidays per year for over 2 years. I'd be so over it too if I were him. But anyway that'd mean I need another job ASAP. So far there had only been one out of hundreds of resumes I sent out that got a reply without the word 'unfortunately' in it. That doesn't mean I'd got the job though, I'm still waiting nervously for them to come back to me after two weeks. That position is in the middle of nowhere but I don't really mind, it's a good opportunity for me to gain professional experience anyway and I actually start to think of myself as a country boy.

I've read a fortune about me for the year the other day, and I was like 'no wonder'. It seems that I wouldn't be very well off all year long, that I need to be careful about betrayals, cheats, financial problems, and avoid getting into troubles the best I can. That pretty much sums up this year so far for me... The only good news seems to be, this year is almost over. But I think I'd need to read the fortune for my next year earlier next year.

I am pretty sick of the recent 'occupy somewhere' trend. Do you really want to be represented by those good-for-nothing jobless morons sitting there claiming you are one of them, the 99%, while you are working hard to achieve a better life? You are already distinctively better than them just by going to work and work hard instead of relying on welfare and whining about it. So how many are they really representing? 1% is more like it. The bottom 1%.

Qantas made a brave move to grounding every single flight to fight the unions. I have the say the age of unions has passed, now they are not much better than leeches suckling on the company. Strike campaigns went way too far in the recent months for Qantas that I hear about them at least every week on the news. What good causing inconvenience to passengers and drive them away to other airlines do for workers asking for a pay rise anyway? It only risked the very existence of the company and hence their jobs. At least for now I would be reluctant to book flights from Qantas. It was lucky that the government intervened and forbade further strikes for now. If you do care about Qantas as an iconic Australian brand then you do need to appreciate what they are doing to protect themselves. And by the way, why would you judge a CEO who runs a business which generates $20 million revenue per day for getting paid $5 million per year for salary? He deserves more than that.

A Not-So-Sweet Story

I was on the bus home today.

There was a bee trapped inside the window. I haven't seen a bee like this before - one of the pairs of its legs had yellow bulges on it, and its body was sort of translucent.

I think it's cute so I started trying to take a photo of it with my phone, but the back light from the window was quite strong and it's been trying to go through that glass and get out of the bus, that I could only get a dark blur silhouette of it. I turned the flash on and got the photo above, still not the best but I attracted attention from the fellow passengers I suppose. So I stopped trying.

The bee was still struggling and buzzing its way against the glass, then as if found the way out disappeared behind me.

I went on to upload this photo onto facebook.

Not even a minute later I felt something on my neck and brushed it off. There was a slight crunch and there it was the bee struggling on the floor in front of me.

I didn't know which part of it was ripped off or whatever but it never managed to launch from the floor again. And its struggles got weaker with time.

I just watched. Sort of feeling for it. Just two minutes ago I met this bee and tried to take a cute photo of it, Now it's getting killed, by me.

It's my stop and I looked at this bee once again, still struggling and moved towards the corner somehow. It would've been more mercy if I just stepped on it but I didn't.

I checked my phone back home and my photo has got a 'like'.

On Boat People

No, they are not refugees. Not most of them.

And yes Australians are being too nice to them. Settle them within Australia, process their claims, give most of them a visa to remain in Australia, all of which at the cost of tax payers.

The existence of boat people does no come with no cost, in contrast to them, legal immigrants (skilled or business) are being squeezed every year with the hurdle to migrate to Australia setting higher and higher. If only they had known there's a quick way!

Conditions for skilled immigrants to get permanent residence: Study in Australia for at least two years (at expensive international student rates and if it wasn't a TAFE it usually takes more than 2 years to finish) and get a tertiary degree/certificate which is approved by immigration and skill assessment bodies of the specific fields, IELTS all bands 7 or even 8 (out of 9), 1 year of professional work experience if they're not in the most urgently needed fields such as engineering and medicine.

Conditions for business immigrants to get permanent residence: Invest hundreds of thousands of dollars to own an Australian business which hires at least two full time employees with permanent residence or citizenship in Australia, generate an annual revenue of tens of thousands of dollars for at least 2 years.

Conditions for boat people to get permanent residence: A ticket for the boat, show their fear of their home country and stay in a refugee camp for 2 years doing nothing but waiting with everything paid for.

This is not only unfair but also unjust to skilled and business migrants. If the boat people were refugees then they have every right to be treated that way, but before they are cleared of that status they should not. It's not war time in those countries that these people come from and I believe there are plenty of operational UN organizations in those countries that are more than happy to help genuine refugees out of their country.

And what sort of migrants should Australia take in? Educated people with the skills to generate revenues and pay tax? Rich people who invests and keeps Australian economy thriving? Or people with 10 kids each who suck up welfare and sit there doing nothing?

Think about it.

Sleep

I seem to 'need' less sleep than before now, some how.

I used to have to sleep for a while 8 hours to feel like myself waking up, now I only need like 5.5-6 hours. I'd wake up feeling bleh but still myself.

I don't really know whether there is a problem with my sleeping, there doesn't really seem so as many people are used to that sort of sleeping time, but I feel a bit uncomfortable about it whenever I fall asleep I'd wake up before 7am which is when I would when I need to work. And sometimes this time was stretched to 4am and when I did wake up that early sometimes it's a bit hard to get back to sleep... I watch YouTube videos, play weird games and stuff on my phone, until the time that I actually need to get up.

Well, at least I don't have a problem getting up.

Maybe it's time for some chamomile tea again.

The Untold

NOTE: Different human beings are involved in different lines.

It was exactly you that I dreamt of, I wish I could tell you.

Sometimes I don't really feel like replying your message, they have started to annoy me.

Is it time that we introduce formally to each other now?

I think you're too young to follow me on Twitter.

I haven't heard from you for ages, how is Southern France treating you?

I have enjoyed every dinner we had, but I am aware that dinner is as far as I could ask for no matter how much more I'd like.

Shopping with you is my absolute nightmare. You're never happy of what you get despite the hours you have spent choosing, and you always have something to return.

I gravely regretted betraying my standards after meeting you, now I'm even more certain that they are there for a reason (namely blocking out the likes of you).

I think I could understand why you did that, you possibly want to get close to me, but that does not justify the fact that you're lying all the time. And you did a very poor job.

I wasn't too surprised, and that's actually something good to happen. Why pretend to be friends after all?

I only know you by the name, facebook?

Yes ABC is state run, but it is way too far from being neutral.

May I have another chance? I know I screwed up last time.

You seem like a very intelligent kid from what I saw on your facebook, shall we talk?

A mention from you on Twitter got me like 5 followers, wow.

I'm glad that you realized that, block.

Stop those early Sunday morning drunken text messages, I need to work every Sunday and I certainly have no intention to "be at yours in 15"!

Maybe Sex and the City is too offensive for you to even quote.

I can't tell you I had a crush on you a few years ago, not even as a joke.

I still don't understand you. Is it that you're only interested when I'm taken?

I wonder what did you mean by your skype status.

I wish to hear back from you, it's been too long.

You're never tired of this poking war are you?

I totally crushed you.

I wonder why I was the one who used to try to chat you up all the time now it's the opposite.

I finally realized I should not waste any more time arguing with you, I was right all along and all I needed to do is to stand by it.

Grandpa

Grandpa was diagnosed with prostate cancer.

It doesn't sound good at all... Mom said I might not be able to see him if I go back to China around Chinese New Year. And on that matter, I did want to go back but I don't even have a plan for going back to China at this stage as I haven't been earning much and I virtually can't save any money at the moment, let alone the airfare back. I feel helpless.

Emotion suddenly hit me this morning while I was at work fondling with dead meat that I cooked. I kept thinking of the days me and grandpa had spent together when I was little (grandpa was my favourite). Sitting on his shoulder, walking along the river counting on the numbered tiles laid on the bank, making dumplings for the first time, stickers that I made him bought me... I tried so hard not to let my tears drop and finally controlled myself. No one at work noticed.

I know it's lucky for me being 26 and still have all 4 of my grandparents alive, and me being far away for so long definitely made them miss me like crazy (I do miss them too but I reckon they miss me more).

I'm not really religious and I don't have a god to pray to. But I do wish my grandpa would get through this, and I'd see him smile back home some time.

The Rant

Please stop reading now if you have the slightest feeling that this rant is about you. You have been warned.

I don't read your mind so don't expect me to. I wouldn't know when you'd swap the subject and object in your sentence and expect me to understand.

I don't like playing around with words that mean essentially the same thing which you intentionally emphasized the difference as a catch.

That's one thing I hate about lawyers too.

I don't like playing mind games in general.

It's not that I didn't like your job, I didn't like you complaining nonstop about your two jobs while I was struggling to find even one.

I don't like your sarcasm.

I don't like being stereotyped, especially when I am completely unfit to that stereotype.

Your intelligence? You are the one who basically tells me that bacteria would grow on detergent.

I don't like it when you say I was blatantly lying while I was telling the truth.

I don't like it when you decided I wouldn't like something before I had a chance to tell you. And I was somehow pushed to the opposite side ever since.

I don't like being locked in your house for a whole day with your PS3. I wanted to use the computer and I even brought my resume with me thinking that I could have done some job hunting while you're away at work.

It's true that I don't like making plans, but there are times that I did but you didn't like it which made me even more reluctant to.

I made myself OK with all those and you're still telling me I didn't love you enough.

Android

I'd been using the iPhone 3GS for 2 years and finally got sick of it. I decided to switch to Android and recontracted a Samsung Galaxy S II with Optus. I've had the new phone for more than a week now so here's a few thoughts on this phone and more importantly on Android as well.

I'm not really gonna brag about the hardware of this phone cos you probably have all heard about it. Duo-core processor, super AMOLED plus, 8MP camera and mobile high-definition link (MHL). A bit of overkill to any current iPhones, but the best part is it's cheaper than the iPhone 4.

After my first long phone call on the SGS2 I realized it is a phone, while iPhone was anything but a phone. I can't really remember how many times I had to call out 'sorry what was that' during calls when there's only digital gibberish coming through and then the call dropped. I don't really have to do that with the SGS II unless it was my limitation in English. And they say 3GS was not the worst iPhone in terms of reception.

The Android system does take a little time to get used to. you have a bit more space than just the dock to place your favourite apps, but the home/apps button has to take one of the four spots on the dock. You got multiple home screens you could put various widgets on to see contents without having to opening the app, or if you like shortcuts of apps from the app page. They are easy to use generally and I am happy with them.

I haven't rooted my system but I will definitely do it soon because I need to remove some of the apps that comes with the phone which I don't need but cannot remove without root access. Even without the rooting the customization on Android is beyond belief. I spent like 3 hours just to adjust my live wallpaper to a pattern that I absolutely love and had great fun doing so. Btw iOS does not offer live wallpapers at all and when I first get it it doesn't even support wallpapers except on the lock screen. To install apps not from the market place however, all you need is to check that option, nothing like jailbreaking or the like.

The screen is absolutely amazing. It doesn't have the resolution that iPhone 4 has, but you won't believe the colour because of the technology of the display itself. There is no true black on any LCD screens because those pixels cannot completely shut off the back light, while the AMOLED screen doesn't need a backlight, the pixels light themselves up. I didn't realize how much difference that made until I turned on my iPhone again one day.

The back of the SGS2 is openable which means you can change your battery or have a spare one with you. It takes Micro SD cards too. I've already ordered a 32G one from eBay and it's already on its way.

The only thing that I found Android being inferior to iOS so far the touch screen. While the hardware technology should be the same Android lacked a bit of friendliness. In iOS if you tap and hold on say a webpage there would not be anything until you release or swiped, but in Android there would be some annoying menus popping up that I had to close again and again. I can't just hold it and then slowly navigate through as I read. This might be my bad habit brought over from iOS but it really annoyed me. The soft keys "menu" and "back" are handy because they freed quite a bit of space on the screen but they are a bit too easy to be mistouched especially when you are operating the phone with one hand. Also in a lot of cases the "back" key registered twice when pressed once for me.

I don't think I'd regret this choice, and I don't plan to go back to iPhone.

Carbon Tax? No Thank You!

Global warming? Yes it is happening and we all feel it, but you might want to learn the other name of it, interglacial age. Human has been powerful for the history but not against geological activities of the earth. People claim that human activity caused the global warming, well change that term to interglacial age and you will see how ridiculous that thought is. This is not something human should even be worried about happening, it is happening and all we have to do is to adapt to it instead of trying hopelessly to stop or delay it happening. Adapting yourself to the environment instead of trying to change the environment has been the case all through human history, any counter-attempt has been failure (think things like Three Gorges Dam in China). Yes the human race getting ever more powerful but still not comparable to nature.

Stop feeling guilty and think it's your fault that the earth is getting warmer. It's just the nature.

Carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases are being emitted into the atmosphere all the time, even before the existence of human, and there are more reasons for interglacial age happening such as relative distance between the earth and the sun and solar activity. Who are to be taxed? Fossil fuel (petrol, diesel, natural gas, coal etc) of course, let's start with that. Human breath releases carbon dioxide too, then tax it! Your pets' breath? Tax it! Squirrels that run across your roof? Tax it! Ants in your garden? Tax it! Going to the zoo with kids on a weekend? Tax it! That's only the primarily affected of a carbon tax. You might think cost of driving will increase that's it? Things that use fossil fuels ublic transport, or transportation in general, electricity (except the "dirty" nuclear and "clean" solar) will go up too. Is that it? Think stuff that require electricity: manufacturing, every piece of electronic gadget you love, and the microwave and vacuum you don't love as much... If I go on that is basically everything.

Temperature on earth has been fluctuating from the very beginning of its existence, and it will act that way until the end.

I know that some other countries are already taxing carbon, that does not justify the carbon tax itself. It is happening does not mean it is right, other countries are doing it does not mean Australia should too. And we should also look at which countries are taxing carbon, not the two biggest carbon producers, China and the US, which counted for more than 30% of carbon emission globally. The amount of Australian carbon emission is close to 1/30 comparing to US and roughly 1/40 comparing to China. What is the significance of carbon emission from Australia anyway? Let's be (way way overly) optimistic and say after taxing carbon all the carbon emission in Australia is eliminated (you don't even breathe out carbon dioxide that is in "fear" of paying the tax), that is less than 1.5% of global carbon emission. I doubt that would even delay the global warming (let's set a goal for it and say to 2C rise of temperature) for a month. and in realistic the government is targeting 5~15% reduction out of that less than 1.5%, which is around 0.15%, it would not delay it coming for even a day. And that amount could be easily filled by coal-hungry China.

On the other hand, it is not possible to get all countries working together, because there are smarter and less greedy governments who realize we cannot change the situation anyway, why not just let them have the money and stay happy for at least the rest of their lives?

Even if carbon emission is to be blamed for this "global warming", Australians are not responsible for it.

Think in the long run and think of your great grand children? Do we really have a "long run" on earth? I don't really believe in 2012 myself but I think extinction of human is perfectly possible and possibly inevitable in time. The environment on earth could be changed but could never be destroyed by human, it could well change to a point where it is no longer suitable for humans to live on (this may or may not be caused by human themselves) and still be there. If we are smart enough by that point we will be able to leave earth and find somewhere else more suitable to live, if not, we will extinct just like dinosaurs and appear in elementary school textbooks (if they still call it that) of another intelligent species who discovered our kind.

And how willing are Australian people to pay that sort of tax? Well polls say 58% Australians are not happy with it and 28% are willing to pay at the moment, while Qantas found only 7% passengers are willing to pay $2 for carbon offset during their flight. I think the 7% figure might have been more indicative because those people are actually paying but the rest of the 28% are just saying. And to put a note on that Qantas is definitely not amongst the cheapest airlines around, and I (meaning not rich) would gladly give $2 for a passable musician or something on the streets.

What do they need the money for? You'd be blind not to see the hollowness Kevin Rudd left on the budget after giving everyone $900 (note he inherited a surplus from John Howard to begin with). You think that's for free? Think again. They'd only do that so they stay in power and rip you off more.

In one word this carbon tax thing is just another bullshit that the government pulls to rip you off. The end.

About Plain Packaging on Cigarettes

Yeah the government is pushing it hard now. While I don't smoke myself and I am totally against smoking I don't really know how much this will help in terms of stopping people smoking or stopping getting people into smoking.

At the moment cigarettes sold in Australia are required to have disgusting depiction of symptoms of diseases caused by smoking printed on, and I've heard jokes about collecting addicts getting their hands on it even if they are non-smokers, "I have lung cancer already, give me ED this time!". But I was shocked when I heard a long term smoker telling me that he doesn't really look at the package when buying cigarettes, that he was so fed up with all those education about how bad smoking is and stuff. He knows as good as anyone else that smoking is bad, but he's just not willing to stop it. If this is the norm amongst smokers then a plain packaging will certainly not help the matter.

This actually makes me think, does the package really matter? What smokers are buying is not the package but what's inside anyway. And as long as the cigarettes are the same I don't think they'd change their mind.

Does it stop people from getting into smoke then? I can't tell for sure but I don't know the chance of a kid starts smoking only because the package looks pretty. And from what I've heard most smokers I know got talked into smoking by their friends when they first started (most probably in middle or high school), other than that there was bad example of smoking parents or relatives. This is not statistically significant but I have not heard of anyone started smoking because they think the package is pretty.

In one word, the problem is cigarettes, not the packaging.

So am I coming up with a better solution? I can't really ban tobacco sales right? The government needs the tax money (whether it was for treating smoking-related diseases or not). Hmm I was thinking how about pulling the plug of health insurance for smokers? Like if the amount you smoke gives a +5% chance of getting lung cancer then you won't be able to claim your health insurance from either government or private health insurance funds when you actually get it. Of course that one bleached human rights for smokers, but that does stop them smoking when you think of it and when you really wanted them to stop smoking. And the best part, the government still keep the tax money from smokers but is not spending it on them anymore.

I feel like updating my blog again.

There's not really that much exciting stuff going on at the moment, except that I would need to move from my current place next month. My housemates bought a house in the south-west and I don't know whether I should move with them. Deep down though I wanted to move closer to city where I work so I can ride my bike or even just walk to work, the bus tickets are so ridiculously expensive now out of the shelter of a student card.

I'm a bit determined to start getting my driving license transferred. But I just still wasn't determined enough although I know that it is of utmost importance to me now.

I changed my first intermediate job in UWO, I'm now a treasure hunter. As far as I concerned I am happy with the title for quite a while. I found the Pyramid of Khufu, investigated a few of Michaelangelo and Raphael's work but at the moment struggling to salvage a shipwreck in the area in the middle of Ragusa, Syracuse, Benghazi and Athens but I don't have an idea where exactly it is yet. I also plan to leave Europe for Mid-East, India and the Caribbean very soon. But I hesitate a lot and get caught in different things a lot, as usual.

At work my pay has raised a little bit, well I hope I will be able to spend less and hopefully start saving. I'm virtually out of debt now, definitely not planning to go back to it...

Thoughts on Graduation

So I graduated again.

A bit of stumble and rush, I did not realize I need to collect guest tickets before I get in so that my mom only got to get in the Bonython Hall with Darren's spare ticket... Thanks again Darren.

I was a bit pissed at the survey that they hand out in before the ceremony, asking what I been doing and stuff. I almost threw it away when it asked whether my degree that I completed has played any role in getting my current job. But well, no. What do you think a BSc with Honours has to do with working as a kitchen hand?

It's not that I wasn't trying. I searched online, consulted with head hunters, try to get connection with the industry... Nothing happened. I don't even get a single interview. Almost every single professional position asks for experience which I don't have, while not that many of them asks for a degree which I have. I know lack of professional experience is a drawback for me but it wasn't entirely my fault. Companies don't want fresh graduates (especially international) for professional positions and they ask for experience, but graduates like me don't get experience when they are not employed. I know you could argue that students get intern-ships during their study, but for me I somehow wasn't given a chance, much like looking for a job at the moment.

I've heard that not many of my fellow honours students had got a proper job at this time, 5 months after completion of the course. One that got a proper laboratory job has reference from her supervisor (well mine didn't seem willing to refer me to anything but I'm not complaining).

What can I do? I'd keep doing what I have been until someone digs me out of the mud.

Some Facts About Me

I am the sort of person that get colds sore throats and stuff all the time but never really have big problems with my body. And yes I have a slight case of cold since yesterday, hopefully it'd be gone by tomorrow when I go to work.

I am fussed about what I eat but not in a way that one would expect. I refuse any low fat foods. If you see me buy organic it was only because it's on special and cheaper than conventional, but I am happy to pay more for local products. I do not mind genetically modified food. I don't think a vegetarian diet is a healthy one at all. I prefer raw food materials to processed stuff unless I have to, that said, I don't like the idea of taking supplements of any sort of nutrients unless they are crucially needed (I treat them as medication instead of food). The only valid claim you'd see on food packages amongst gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, fat free, GE free etc etc is low GI, all others are negligible unless of course you are allergic or something. And on the other hand your allergy might have actually been caused by one's diets besides a genetic thing.

I prefer houses to apartments because I've been living in apartments for more than 20 years since I was born, and I am really sick of it. Doesn't mean I am any good at gardening or willing to improve on that though. I just love to live in big rooms and stuff, and I've been a city boy for too long that I wouldn't mind going to the country really. The only thing stopping me was the insects.

I prefer walking and cycling to driving, but now it seems I had to get a car real soon anyway or I won't be in a good position of getting a job related to my field. But on the other hand the video games that I enjoyed most were racing games. I am a big fan of Need for Speed and Burnout series.

I believe god exists but I am in no way religious. God is not Jesus, Allah, Buddha or whatever name and appearance you give him, it's just an existence that nobody would ever know unless he wants to tell. God does not listen, he just controls everything, including that I am typing these words right at this time. Therefore religion is not a way of salvation or whatever to me, it is just fate that no one could ever change. All I have to do is to accept it, under his control.

I think it's time for bed.